Yesterday I was leaving the store with my kids after purchasing new bikes for my boys. Hm… the irony of this story just hit me. Sorry, carry on. lol I was heading home to unload and received a disturbing call from my mother. She had informed me that my brother had been in a really bad motorcycle accident. She didn’t have many details to offer me except that he was undergoing a CT (CAT) and MRI scan. For anyone who may be unfamiliar with these scans, they are tests used by medical professionals to see inside the body for diagnostic purposes. In short, they wanted to see if he had any internal injuries. My mom went on to tell me that she wasn’t being allowed to see him and had no idea how badly he had been injured but that she knew is was a pretty bad accident. THIS… did nothing for me but scare the shit out of me. I feared the worse.
Immediately, my mission changed from going home and watching the kids ride their bikes to going home, packing and getting on the road to get to my brother who was sitting in an hospital bed 5-6 hours away from me. I will make a very long story short. My mom was able to see him shortly thereafter and it turned out that though he had a lot of surface wounds, he was otherwise fine. There was no broken bones or other internal damage. Between receiving that information and actually speaking to him on the phone, I decided to stay back.
WHY AM I SHARING THIS WITH YOU? lol
When I got that call, I basically dropped any plans I had for the day in order to be there for my brother, but what sister wouldn’t? Who would not show up for the people they love and care the most for? I don’t think these things require any sort of badge of honor. It’s just what you do. Well, this is what I do…often. I started thinking about how many times I have “up and left” in order to be there for people and then I thought about how many times anyone has showed up just to be there for me. It was kind of disheartening to say the least.
My thought processes (without losing you and taking you through every thought) lead me this. The same way I show up for others without a second thought in mind, is the same way I have to learn to show up for myself. Obviously, I am stuck with myself and therefore alway literally there for myself. For some reason that just made me laugh. Some people (like myself) are natural caregivers and nurturers. The impulse to be there for others is almost involuntary and that’s great and all, but YOU NEED YOU too. Simply put, I need to make sure that I place myself at the top of my priority list and SHOW UP for myself.
…Yeah.
I AM EBONY 