Hey! Been a few days since my last entry but um… I never said I’d post every day, so um… yeah. lol No really Heyyyyy!!!! I haven’t blogged, because I haven’t had much to say. I’ve also been a little busy with some self-therapy. I’m just trying to get my mind right, so please forgive me.
By the way, as we speak I write, I am working on a play list. I know I said I would have it on a weekly basis, but that didn’t work out as intended. Just know a new one is coming! Yayyyy! lol
So, let’s talk about disappointment and acceptance. We have all been disappointed by people or circumstances and at some point learned to accept the reality of the situation for what is right? You let the hurt, hurt. You accept that it is, what it is & you move forward with all lessons learned right? It’s life right? I’m sure you are thinking that there is something deep to follow right? Nope! Not at all. Though this post is about disappointment and acceptance, it’s not what you think it is.
So… The other day, I ate an ENTIRE box (except 4) of oatmeal pies. lol there were 12 in a pack and I ate 8. Awwww mannnn! Wait! Don’t be so quick to judge! I can explain!! It wasn’t me. it was her! You know, the uninvited guest that decides to come every…single…month. Grr…. Yeah her. lol Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t do the whole “pop up at my house without an invite” thing. You’ll find yourself outside… waiting for an open door that…. never opens. In the words of my momma, “This ain’t no do pop in!” That makes me laugh every time I say or hear it. As much as hearing that line annoyed me growing up, I have adopted the same way of thinking. Call first and in the event (very likely event) that I do not answer, please (for your sake… gas tank included) do not show up at my front door step.
Well, Ms… “MONTHLY” has never respected and/or abided by that entire concept UNLESS she had an entirely different sort of surprise and unfortunately I am unable to ignore her or send her away. She’s a rude gal (in my best Jamaican voice). She is a powerful one though. As if her arrival isn’t imposing enough, prior to, she SOMEHOW sends a craving in the air that makes me want all things chocolate or just perhaps sweet. She even makes her way to my scale, reprogramming it so that it is 10-15 lbs off. How disrespectful! Somehow she manages to get into my head… my heart and makes me completely unstable. And on top of all that, she has the nerves to cause me cramps so bad I’m forced to lay in a fetal position. Grrrr…
I assume you want me to get into the disappointment and acceptance already huh?
The Disappointment
Immediately upon STUFFING my face with oatmeal and cream I felt completely disgusted with myself. I felt disappointed as I know good AND DAMN well better than to eat 8 oatmeal pies. lol Like, what the hell? I also knew good AND DAMN well not to — No judgement zone right???— follow up later that night with a king sized snickers. Who said that??! Yeah, yeah, I know, but I couldn’t help myself. So, there I sat disappointed in myself. Full off of oatmeal, cream, chocolate, peanuts AND caramel! I knew this wasn’t at all in line with me getting back right, if you know what mean, but hey… (when you have nothing else to say) lol
The Acceptance
I started questioning how the hell I really just allowed myself to OVER-indulge in these oatmeal pies. I mean this was a real conversation I was having with myself. Remember that we are STILL in the NO JUDGEMENT zone. After a few exchanges (lol ah hush! Just go along with it) I decided that though still disappointed that I didn’t execute better self control, PMS is real as hell. The cravings, the emotional outburst, the weight gain and mood swings are all apart of it. There was a time when I really felt that women used “PMS” as an excuse that would give them a pass to be who they really were. I stand sit here as a 35 year old woman who now knows better. The shit is real. In accepting this, I will forgive myself as well as issue myself a pass on the whole “cookie monster” episode. It will all be over next week.
In the meantime, I’m going to treat myself to another oatmeal pie! lol Awwww mannnn!
I AM EBONY 