No really. I’m serious. I wanted to insert “lol” but I didn’t, JUST to let you know how serious I am. I am a serial yo-yo when it comes to my weight. Since entering motherhood in 2006, the struggle has been real. I gain. I lose. I gain. I lose. At this point, I’m just trying to lose and keep. Every week I am on a new mission, but then comes…a photo on instagram of some seafood macaroni and cheese or this juicy, GREASY burger with all the works! lol Let us not forget about events where food is involved.
Can you tell that I am real foodie? I think I’ve blogged about this before and truth is, I don’t think that will ever change about me. I don’t even think it’s necessarily something that I want to change. My name is Ebony and I love food. What needs to change is the fact that I don’t have balance. It’s not rocket science to know that if you are constantly bringing in calories that you need to also burn them in some way. Otherwise… You end up like me. I have over 30 pair of jeans and can only comfortable fit about 6…MAYBE! So… I live in work-out clothes for the most part. Whether I am working out or not.
Today I watched a LIVE on instagram with stylist, EJ King and when I tell you that this man gave me a word that I TRULY needed in EVERY area of my life… LISTEN! My favorite thing to say is, “I’m not self-motivated.” Well, the discomfort that I currently feel at my current size, ONLY I FEEL. Discomfort… that should be enough motivation. Self-discipline is something I struggle with, but why should it be when my scale says what the hell it says??? I’m the one that has to walk around feeling heavy as hell. Finally, I’ve come to terms with the fact that my scale isn’t a liar nor is it conspiring against me in any way. This is more of a self-sabotoging situation. And you know what? Ya’ll aren’t helping me either! “But you’re tall, so no one would ever know that you weigh that much.” “You carry it well.” is what I’m told often, but BABAYYYY… I feel EVERY BIT OF THIS OBESITY. Oh and the worse one, “At least you’re pretty!” Bihhhhh, that is not a compliment. Who wants to be a pretty big girl??? That shit ain’t cute! So, in order to fix this, I have to start with being honest with myself and fixing what needs to be fixed.
The truth is…
- I lack self control
- I don’t have portion control
- I hate working out
- I’m unmotivated
- I’ve somehow found comfort in my discomfort (so strange)
I could add a lot more to that list, but I think you have the point. I most definitely do! With all of that on the table, the ONLY next step would be to fix the shit right? How do I do that? Being that I have successfully done this before, I will start with what worked previously.
- I will be consistent.
- I will food prep
- I will NOT make excuses to break schedule
- I guess that means I need to make a schedule. I’ll do that too!
- I will let my discomfort be enough motivation
- I will have self control
- I will set reasonable goals
- Once I reach my goals, I will maintain balance
Okay, there! This is a good starting point! Right? Okay. I will start AGAIN on Monday. I have trips to take and there is nothing like being uncomfortable on vacation! If I have not met the goals that I’ve set in place for myself by the end of the year, I will be soliciting the help of a personal trainer.
P.S- Notice that I said Monday. I’m eating good this weekend! : ) Awwwwww mannnnn!
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Girl – my youngest is turning 5 this Sunday and like you my weight has been a constant battle and yoyo. Combined with my mental health, it hasn’t always been a priority but I am still trying. I am trying to gym 3x a week. Trying to eat better. Accept when I eat something off plan. And just keep going. Keep going girl!
Thank you for reading and thanks for the encouragement! It’s a constant struggle, but we’ve got this girl!!! 💕
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