Long journey short…
So about a year ago I entered into a very uncomfortable space. I had woken up one too many mornings and I had fallen asleep one too many nights feeling personally unfulfilled. For almost 12 years I’d put myself at the very bottom of my priority list. Between motherhood, marriage & life, I lost myself. I began searching for EBONY. Who was Ebony without saying a mother and a wife? Without saying a friend, sister, cousin, aunt, niece and more. Who was I? I’ve always taken great pride in what I’ve been to others and I still do, but the problem is, I made no real room for myself. I could write an entire novel on that, but I’ll save that and spread it across future posts. AnyWHO, as I began to realize how lost I was, I knew I had to turn that shit around. So, I started working on just that.
I enrolled myself into real estate class. It was something I’d talked about for years, but frankly, that desire took a back seat to everything and everyone else. I took the class, successfully passed and today was my 6th time taking the state test. Guess what? Today, I passed it!!! 6th time’s a charm? I can’t began to describe how proud I am of myself! I did it!!! I didn’t give up even though I REALLY wanted to! I took the class, FAILED, studied, FAILED, studied some more, FAILED, studied even more, FAILED, almost gave up, FAILED, cried & reminded myself that I was capable, studied even more and finally, I PASSED! I cried happy tears today. I am extremely happy! This was a real feat for me and I am so excited about the next chapter of this book.
You have to score a 75 in order to pass the state test. As long as you fail it, they will tell you your score. If you pass, that’s all you get. PASS. Well, that was enough for me! It took me 6 attempts and almost a year’s time, but I DID IT!
I just want to encourage anyone that is chasing something that feels so out of reach. KEEP PUSHING! If you want it bad enough, you will get it, because you will put the work in that is required to obtain it. I was determined to pass this test before this year was out. Discomfort, determination, belief in self and intent is what got me here. Crown Royal Peach is what is about to put me to sleep! I’se TIDE boss!
Below are entries from this week that I wasn’t going to post UNTIL I passed. The wait is over! lol
I guess I will see tomorrow. After 4 failed attempts at passing my Florida Real Estate Sales Associate state test, I pretty much decided to throw the towel in. Discouraged and frustrated, I convinced myself that it probably wasn’t meant for me. One day last week, I decided to have an uncomfortable truth session with myself. It was uncomfortable because the truth isn’t always pretty and the truth was, I had a habit of starting things and not finishing them. Damn. That hit me pretty hard. That’s not who I want to be nor who I want my children to be or see me be. It was almost a year ago when I signed up for the Florida Real Estate Sales Associate class at Climer School of Real Estate. When I signed up, I also purchased a 2-day test review that I never attended. I guess I thought I didn’t need it. I was so certain that I could pass the test on my own. Boy was I wrong! Fast forward (almost a year later) and I’m realizing I actually need help. Once I accepted that truth, I signed up for the 2-day review course and scheduled to retake the test the following day. Well, today completed my 2-day review and tomorrow I test. All week prior, I studied on my own. I replaced Wale’s new album with the $50 review cds I purchased almost a year ago and (again) never opened and I literally immersed myself in real estate. Whenever in my truck, its been the only thing I’ve listened to and when I was home, I studied. I’m hoping it pays off tomorrow when I re-test. Though I put the work in, I can’t help but to still feel nervous about failing the test again. In the end, I know that what’s for me, is for me and that doesn’t mean that it will come easy. So. If I do fail, I will not lose my current motivation. I will study even harder, take another review course if I have to and re-test again! For now, I will shut everything down, pray and hope all goes well tomorrow. By the way, if I actually post this, it means that I’ve passed. Whether it’s accompanied by 2 more entries just like this or not, if you’re seeing it, I finally PASSED!!!
October 21, 2019
I didn’t pass. I was 99% sure that I’d passed this time. I JUST KNEW that when I walked out of that testing space, instead of 2 sheets of paper which (in detailed form) notify you that you failed the test, I’d be receive something that just simply read, “PASSED.” Welp! That didn’t happen and honestly this time got the best of me. It took everything in me to keep my composure as I walked to my truck, but BAAAABAY, once I made it there, I cried like a little baby. I was just so frustrated. I needed to make a 75 to pass. I made a 74. What… THE… F**K?! Why can’t I get this??? I was truly sitting in disbelief. I was supposed to pass this time! I took the test in Tampa which is about an hour away from my house. I cried for about 45 minutes of that drive home taking a 5 minute break to stop and get gas! It wasn’t anyone else’s business that I was crying despite my red face! I called my mom and I cried which is unusual for me. I literally cry by appointment only and in the dark most of the times. But I needed to talk it out with someone so I called her and I felt better afterwards. I don’t know if it was her threatening to beat the test up for making her baby cry or her words of encouragement, but either way, it worked. When I got home, I immediately rescheduled my test for this coming Friday.
In addition to my momma’s words, I couldn’t help but to remember something that I tell my children so very often.
“Not everything will come easy to you. There will be some things that you will have to apply yourself to and then apply yourself even more to… AGAIN. Just because something doesn’t come easy to you, it doesn’t mean you quit. It just means that you work harder to get the job done. You work harder to get what you want.”
This morning before I dropped the kids off at school. Carter told me, “Mommy, I said a big prayer for you. You’re going to pass your test! You’re the best mommy!'” Trace said, “Mommy you got this! I know you do! Good luck!” Autumn… Well. She wasn’t mad at me this morning. Lol
I knew that when I picked my kids from school, they’d want to know how my test went. I couldn’t tell them that I was frustrated and pretty much over taking this test. I couldn’t tell tell them that maybe it just isn’t for me and I quit, because none of those things would mirror my words. I told them that I had failed my test again and this time it was by one point. I told them that though I was disappointed and frustrated about it, I had already rescheduled to retake the test this coming Friday…again. I told them that I would keep taking it until I passed it because it’s something that I wanted for myself. They told me that they were very proud of me as they also assured me they I’d pass it the next time. I sure hope they’re right! Let’s see what my next entry looks like!